Hello, God? It's me, Pine

Yeah, I'm thinking more and more of the big "guy." As a good friend of mine (a "believer") once told me, the fact that I'm constantly trying to convince myself there's nothing out there only serves to prove that I really "believe." I guess I wouldn't have to bother convincing myself if I didn't. This is like Philosophy class! You could go nuts trying to sort it out in your head. Yep, she liked her mind games.

I think she was onto something though. I was raised a Catholic, and my family was very involved in the church when my sibs and I were kids. We knew our priest well, and he knew us. We knew other church families, went to church functions, attended CCD classes, played at the church rec center, even baptized our dogs (that was a special thing they did for kids to enjoy, lol). I remember going to church as a fun thing...something to look forward to. I honestly don't know what happened.

Somewhere along the way, I either lost interest or lost faith (if I ever really had it in the first place). My first year at college, I sought out and joined a group called the Atheist and Agnostic Society. You laugh, but that's what they called themselves.) That was right about the time the movie The Last Temptation of Christ came out, and we were so excited to thumb our noses at organized religion that we organized a group to go see the movie the day it opened and even crossed protest lines to get there.

Perhaps part of the problem is that the Church is no longer able to laugh at itself. Father Morgan (that was our childhood priest) was the best. He wasn't afraid to make us laugh during his sermons, and he'd often include a prayer for his favorite football team at the end of mass. He really made mass/church enjoyable. None of the priests I've met or listened to since then have measured up. Now, sure, one's faith should not depend on one's priest, but hell, the priest is such an important figure in the Catholic Church that he should have some influence, don't you think?

I'd like to believe. I mean "really" believe. My own problem has always been that I'm unable to turn my brain off and blindly follow what they want me to believe. I just can't do that, and there are SO MANY things I don't agree with. Gays, abortion...hell, birth control! Birth Control!! Seriously, Catholic Church? In this day and age? That's just plain ridiculous. Hmm...perhaps I'd better brush up and make sure they're still against birth control before I rant any further. Might be they actually changed their stance....but not likely.

I want my kids to believe in something, and I've taken the first steps towards raising them Catholic. But, I also want them to think for themselves and be compassionate towards their fellow humans regardless of who, how, or why they are they way they are. I could rant all day about the church, but we're going to be late for our lunch date. And, just like that, I turn all "this" off. Click.