Perhaps I really am just delirious from the accumulation of nights spent half-awake watching over my baby while he recovers from croup (silly name, that illness). In any event, I have a very honest confession to make. Since I consider blogging akin to writing in a diary (albeit one that is potentially readily available to the rest of the world), I will post my deepest thoughts here.
Lately, I've been feeling a bit nonexistent. ?? I'll offer a bit of background that may help explain. I've been re-reading A Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood, and I've just gotten past the part where Offred is recalling the day the government froze her assets and took away her right to work and to own property. As she lay in bed that night with her husband, she got the notion that he was happy that she was now completely his. 'Patronizing' was the word she used.
Well, I've felt this way before, but I think reading this tale is bringing my old fears back up. (Fears??) I'm afraid that I'm losing myself here in our newfound suburban domesticity. Don't get me wrong. Most days, I'm happy and I enjoy my life and my family. Hell, I even enjoy my cats! Somedays, however, I can't help feeling like I'm losing something invaluable that I can't quite remember and wouldn't be able to regain even if I did remember. I think I might be talking about my sense of self. Right now, I am somebody's mother and somebody's wife, but take away those 2 parts, and I have no idea who I am.
Alright, yeah, my vote's with delirious. G'nite!
No comments:
Post a Comment